Total eclipse of the heart
by shinji-is-love-desu23
Summary: what will happen when ciel's love life is in danger?
1. The mysterious figure

one day ciel was walking on the street in dowtown london where he lived. he was walking over a bridge when he saw bubbles come out off the water. he looked at them for a second but he decided it was just a fish there are a lot of fish in the lake. but the the water stared rippling so ciel stopped agian and looked at the water when all of a sudden...

a figure leaped out off the water! ciel screamed and threw up over th bridge because sometimes he thows up when he gets nervous or scared. the figure stood up on the side of the bridge and looked at ciel. ciel looked at the figure and noticed taht it's face was painted really weird and it kind of looked like ademon exept not like sebastian. the figure looked at ciel and then screamed "CIEL!" and aparently the figure was a girl but you could only really tell by thevoice and the hair. ciel tried to run away but the figure grabbed ciel and smushed his face into its boobs before ciel could get more then 5 feet a way. ciel thought the figure was trying to sufficate him but then he realized that it was just hugging him he thought. but he still coulndt really breath that much. the figure smelled like it was getting seriouslyt carried away. ciel was really scarred he had a feeling he had seen the figure before but he dident know where. for some reason the song total eclips of the heart came to mind. ciel screamed "sebastian!" but it sound more like "srbrstrn!" because he still couldent breath very much and his lungs were filling up with perfume and before he knew what was hapening he passed out. the figure dident notice really until sebastian showed up! sebastain saw the grotesce figure holding ciel and he thought ciel was dead! "what have you done" he screamed but the figure just looked at him it said "its ok because me and ciel are going to get marryed he is just passed out form the exitement." just then ciel woke up and he said "sebastian you have to kill it it is going to kill me!" and the figure siad "no dont worry I am already dead!" and then the figure screamed "RIGOR MORTIS!" and ciel screamed again and hit his head on the sidewalk and than threw up and passed out again. sebastian said "ok than are you a demon" and the figure said "no silly I am an anime cant you see?" and sebastian said "I think you are getting carried a way." the figure replies "yeah I get that a lot but I am going to marry ciel okay?" sebastian said "ok but only if you can get ciel to agree to marry you." sebastian knew ciel would never agree to marry the figure because of it's hideus face. also it was really creepy and wierd. so the figure said ok and jumped of the bridge into the water aguin with a loud SPLASH...


	2. a visit

ciel wokeup in his room. he looked around. the weird figure was nowhere in sight. "oh so it was just a dream!" ciel thought and then he got out of his bed and he went to open the curatains to let some light into the room when he opened the curtains he was surprised to see 3 chipmunks. ciel stared at the chimpmunks for a while and then he said "really" suddenly 1 of the chipmunks grew really large and stared to sing but its mouth dident move it sang a song about christmas. the other chipmunks started tapdancing and making out with eachother. ciel closed the curatins. "dis shit be wierd as fuck" said ciel. but then he heard a voice. it was the fat chipmunk. it said "ciel" and ciel said "idiot what do you want" and the fat chipmunk emerged from behind the curtain and morphed in to eliszabeth exept the fat chipmubnk was kind of a pervert so she had huge boobs. ciel said "fat chipmunk are you mocking my fiancee you know I am the head of a large toy making company I will make you get liposuction util you cant walk any more you know" and then ciel pulled out a large machine gun and pointed it at the fat chipmunk I mean well-endowed elizabeth. but the chipmunk said wait ciel I am here to warn you that you are in grave danger that figure that you saw wasent a dream! and ciel said "w-what how do you even know about the figure?" and the fat chipmunk transformed into a really buff midget and said "first of all you just said it out loud talking to yourself like a retard and second of all i am here to warn you about the very same figure!" and ciel said "is the figure trying to kill me because I will just have sebastian kill it for me he works for tea you know I make the best tea around" and the buff midget said "I am not interested in tea goddammit ciel listen to me you have to listen okay that figure you saw is called a baka and after you threw up the ice cream you had eaten earlier today all over youself and passed out the baka said to sebastian that it wanted to marry you and sebastian said 'if you can get ciel to agree to it' so the baka is going to haunt you until you agree to mary it!" ciel said "I am judging you so hard right now" and he made a face that made it clear to the fat chipmunk who was now actualy a chipmunk again that he was indeed judging him. the fat chipmunk was about to make a clever comeback when the large chipmunk aparently infected with lockjaw burst throught he side of the mansion singing the final note of the dramatic opera that had accompanied the previous scene. ciel acting on impluse took the machine gun an blew the large chipmunks head of. then he said "idiot" an d the fat chipmunk said " I have warned you...beware young fellow or your hand in marriage may be stolen by a freaky looking japaneese candy toting baka!" and then with one final explosion the chipmucks were gone.


	3. Ciels decision

ciel told sebastian to set up mousetraps aroud the mansion in case the chipmuncks ever came back. "that is ridiculous" ciel said "why would this baka want my hand in marriage it dosent even make any sense they were just spewing nonsense" just then ciel heard a voice! it said "hello my little cream puff would you like some pocky?" ciel got really scared and thre up again acidentally on a portrait of sherlock homes. ciel said "who is there? and what is pocky?" the voice giggled "ciel dont you recognize my voice? why would you ruin that beutiful protrait of sherlock homes ciel that was my prized possesion!" and ciel said "leave at once! why are you in my house! sebastian!" but the voice just said "oh ciel my love their is no need to be afraid...we will be together soon enough..." ciel sat and pondered what had just ocurred. could it be that...the chipmunks were right? in that case ciel had to confront this baka and find out what it wanted from him. it was probably a corprate spy from ciels main rival tom felton. tom felton had been trying for years to overtake ciels company and sending wierd spys to try and get cielto crack. and I mean that literally tom felton sold cocaine that was his business and ciel was the only person in town who was not tom feltons customer even sebastian was tom feltons customer. ciel acually preferred marijuana but he made usre that no one knew about it it was a secret. "for the last time I dont want your drugs tom felton!" ciel scremed but he just heard laughter. "I will get this spy yet if it is the last thing I do" ciel said to himself. so ciel went out to lunch that day to calm his nerves after the incident. he went to his favorite restraunt and ordered the usual which is 2 orders of clam chowder with extra cilantro medium rare steak with mashed potatos on the side that still had small pices of potatoe skin in them and a chicken pot pie with cranberry sauce as well as a large italian salad with blue cheese dressing and half of the salad was acually crutons. and of course a green apple martini. sometimes ciel took his extra food to the poor hobos on the corner and ate it in front of them. but anyways ciel was eating his mealwhen a dark cloaked figure aporached...ciel imediately stood up and sai "what do you want idiot" but the figure just looked at ciel wierd and continued on its path to a woman standing at the next table over ciel sat down embarassed.


	4. ciel is captuered!

ciel waited for a looooooooooooong time for the food to get to the table because it took like 5 wafers to carry it all. just as ciel was about to start eatinh, something fell from the sky and crashed into the table! ciel screamed and threw up again. sebastien juspmed out of the wreckage and grabbed ciel. "BOCHAN" he scremed "WE HAVE TO GO NOW!" and ceil said "NO SEBASTIAN I MUST STAY HERE YOU DONT KNOW THE STITUATION!" and sebastian murrmured "i know better than you ever will...ciel. you have to stay awau from the baka" and ciel said "sebastian you idiot" and ciel got up and walked away. "come back bochan" sebastian sobbed but ciel kept walking mercilesely away. ciel went to the bar down the street wher he had never been before but he needed to get away from it all. it was now 9 pm. yeah ciel has luch at like 7 oclock dont judge him or else sebastian will come after you! but anyways ciel ordered some beer and the bartender looked at ciel and said "you are young" and ciel said "shut up fatass" and then ordered some vodka. the bartender leaned on the counter and gave ciel a pififul look and the the counter disintigrated into dust becaue the bartender really was a fatass. the bartender screamed "life is hard kid, you just gotta follow your heart and do what you think is right also never trust anyone who tries to sell you eggs because they probably expired sixteen hours ago" ciel gav e the bartender a dead look. "i dont have any feel because iei mmmmmjust somebody thatyoou used to knnow" ciel slurred. the bartended got a net and put it on ciels head! ciel didnt really care though he was piss drunk. "lizzy please stop" ciel said. "I tooooooooooooooooooold you iinnndont like " and then he passed out. "mauuahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaa" the bartender chuckled amiably. "i have you know!" back at the castle..."bochan..." sebastian whispered as a single tear fell from his eye...


	5. alois and the kawaii tribe

"ugh my head" ciel chocked and tried to sit up. "where am i" ciel asked no one in particular. out of the black dark darkness came a figure! ciel whimpered "where am i" this time to someoen in paritcular. the figure broke out on song. when the figure was finished ciel clapped politely. then ciel said "what the acual fuck was that" teh figure proclaimed that that was the ritual dance of death among the kawaii tribe. ciel regocnized the figures voice "a...lo...is...?" ciel stammered. the figure pressed its alois lips to ciels head. "sh darling" alois lips hissed. "it is ok" ciel said "i dont know if i believe you" "i said it is OK" the figure sceamed. "ok" ciel said. "what is the kawaii tribe" ciel said. dark alois slapped ciel and said "SHUT UP FUCKASS" ciel was offendead. "hey you stupid alois i asked you a resoinable question and you wil answer it or else i will call sebatian on you" alois sighed for like 5 minutes seriously it went on for fucking ever that was how exastperated he was. "i will show you if you really wish to know" alois spoke. "yes i wish to know" ciel yelled. "are you sure" alois questioned "yes" ciel said "are you REALLY SURE" alois said "yes" ciel said "are you absotively posolutely sure" alois said "yes" ciel said "are you REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY SU-" alois said before ciel cut his head of with a machete he hid inside of his shoe because he was tired of aloises bullshit. and then ciel found the lightswitch and seductivly turned on the light...and threw up evrywhere. the site was absotively posulutely disgusting. "alois..." ciel murmured alois lied on the ground decacipitated because ceil cut of his head with his show machete. except...their was no blood as ciel thought there would be. their was only...rainbows. TOMS AND TONS OF RAINBOWS SPEWING OUT EVERYWHEERE OUT OFF ALOISSES NECK oNTO THE FLOOR ciel screamed as loud as he could when he saw...aloises face. his eyes were grossly engorged and took up half off his enrire face also they were shinnier than any normal eyeballs should be and aloises eyelashes were waaaay to long and curled up daintily at the edges. his nose was reallllly small and located almost right between his grotesquely swolen mouth wqs almost invisible and rite up under aloises nose. his hair was also really relaly shiny and ciel wondered ewaht shampoo alois use to make his hair look like that ciel was kind off going blind just looking at aloises shiny ass hair. "aloisssssssssssssssssssssssss...what hapened to you?" ciel sobbed.


End file.
